Quit Praying

One thing I often hear from people wrestling with their faith is, “I just can’t pray anymore.”

St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross have some advice for these people: “Then don’t. If you can’t pray, then quit trying.”

What they were actually saying is that a person who says this is usually referring to “discursive prayer” and/or “meditation”. Discursive prayer is the verbal prayers you say when you recite written prayers (such as The Lord’s Prayer) or the prayers you have to come up with when someone says, “Would you lead us in prayer?”  Meditation is the mulling over of a Bible verse or impactful reading. But mature prayer goes beyond discursive prayer and meditation, and both St. John and St. Teresa say the inability to pray when one has the desire is a sign of spiritual growth. This has two aspects that need to be picked apart:

The first is that in saying that one “can’t pray” usually means that the good feelings are no longer present – the peace and the joy that come with prayer and that deep sense of connecting with God. There is a sense of dryness. There is the sense that one is speaking to nothing, that there is no God out there so the prayers are meaningless. This is a good thing. If you are praying in order to feel the warm fuzzies of spirituality, then your prayers are immature. They are partly connecting with God and they are partly stoking your hormones – getting an oxytocin glow. The growth factor here is can you be with God when the loving glow is absent. It’s like being in a relationship: can you still love your partner when the crush wears off? For St. Teresa and St. John this is an indication that one is moving beyond discursive prayer and meditation and into contemplation.

The second aspect is that trying hard to pray creates a self-defeating downward spiral. The person fears that they are losing their faith and if they just try harder they can regain it. And they fail. The focus becomes more and more on self-condemnation which pushes the person further and further away from being open to perceive the grace of God. The harder you try, the more you wallow in self.

So what do you do? St. John teaches that one should acknowledge that this dryness and emptiness is actually a contemplative form of prayer. The yearning for God is actually a form of prayer – a deep form of prayer. It’s a bit of a paradox, but he says to be at peace with yearning. St. Teresa says to keep up with the discursive prayers whether they “do anything for you” or not. If nothing else, say The Lord’s Prayer once a day, to pronounce your intention. And then, she says, focus on the “virtues”. This is an old fashioned way of saying live your faith whether you feel it or not. The point is that performing acts of love is a form of prayer – an alignment of one’s soul with God.

In short, God has not abandoned you, and you have not abandoned God. God is lovingly leading you into a deeper loving communion, one that transcends sensory pleasure.

Peace and perseverance to you.